Finding the True Self

As the meditations have progressed, I grow. it has been 2 months since I started this. I have experimented, developed and nurtured, healed, searched, found, met with peace, met with aggression, felt such deep passion...
I haven't blogged here in a while, but it doesn't mean this project failed. For my part I carried on. I didn't ever stop meditating, in fact I actually have been able to focus on things I really want, and achieve them, by letting go.Meditation is just not a thing we do. It is a discipline, an exercise, a pathway to deeper spirituality, a medication, a journey and experience that never ends.

There are so many different kinds of meditation, and I am still exploring it all. I have meditated with prayers, and visualizations. It takes practice to achieve and feel the full affects. One does not merely sit and hope for the magic to happen, it takes effort. Recently a friend sent me a meditation for healing, where I had to imagine my Chakras cleanse. This was true visualization of nature and it was very difficult, but soothing. I tried, but it was difficult, so I let go so that I could try another time.

I also started meditation in different yoga poses (savasana, sirshasana, padmasana) and this has proven beneficial for my body as well as mind. For I focus, hold the pose, feel my body, and I am so in touch with the energy flow in my body. The result being I feel refreshed and have way too much energy for the day.

All the different types of meditation set aside, I feel like in the exploration of my mind, soul, and body, I have slowly come to find and love my true self. Slowly. It is a work in progress, and the maintenance of it will be as tough as any other work. In doing so I have found a peace, and have been able to let go and love more openly. It's like a sigh of relief.


Namaste.

Spinning Meditation

Meditating still, but i switched it up.
Sometimes I sit still, sometimes I use music, sometimes I walk, sometimes I stand in a corner and breathe.
A few weeks ago my sister taught me how to spin Poi. The Mexican art of dancing with fire. I found it strangely meditative, yet requiring fitness, and relaxing. So now I spin while meditating and it helps me focus my energies, perhaps a lot like Tai Chi, which I did practice for a while as well (2 years of tai chi in the zoo, I kid you not. best experience ever).
Along with spinning playing music, (practicing guitar, or a different instrument is highly meditative too. This practice helps clear the mind while you focus on a task for a longer time.
So this has helped me focus. Which in turn has helped me regulate my emotional reactions. Which is strange, for I am usually very emotionally reactive.

Pick up your guitar, flute, or make some sock poi and meditate!

Life - Ebb and Flow

Even meditation can't fix some days. Maybe its Murphy's law, maybe its the secret, I don't know.
I meditated on positive things, even the little things from my gratitude list, but things didn't let up until I got some relaxing time with sympathizers :-P sometimes we just need support, and a full night's rest. However It may not fix, but it can make it a wee bit easier.

So  from Monday work has been busy, and hectic. Taking on responsibilities, and making big decisions is overrated. I would love to tell kids, stay young as long as possible, you aren't missing too much fun stuff. When I was young I always wanted to be a college student, grown up person. Then when I was in college I wanted to be a professor, then I realized that was a bunch of silly drama by a bunch of "intellectuals". Really.
I decided to go get a job, and then I wanted more and more responsibility - this is the catch: this R word makes us feel important and worthwhile in life. It can also lead to our failures, weaknesses. Be careful what you wish for, or you're going to have to eat more than your bite? Whatever the saying is. This week I did meditate, and was ABLE to actually live upto my responsibilities but it was not easy, (however no one ever said life was easy). Meditation helped cause I focused on positive, and me being able to carry out, and not being as stressed as I would have otherwise been.

However never underestimate other people's responsibilities/problems (other than Mitt's cause he has it easy ;-))

Breathe.

Meditation and Cooking for the non-chef

Friday June 15th 2012 - I'm going to cook for my boyfriend. Menu - Steak and veggies
I'm still at work at 5:30pm, and freaking out! I've never cooked steak, there's so much to do still, and all the cleaning up afterwards. Ugh! Why shouldn't we just go out to dinner?

I converse with some of my colleagues regarding this dinner, and they say it's easy and I shouldn't sweat it, plus I'm probably an awesome girlfriend for doing this for my man! As I walk to my car, just calming myself down, telling myself I CAN do this!

I sit in my car, and take 5 minutes.

I focus on how the process: The meat has thawed, I need to just marinate it with garlic powder, pepper, chili powder, thyme, chia seeds. Leave it. We will only put it in the broiler when Ryan get's here (8 minutes both sides). However it will be hot and fresh. The potatoes - wash and clean, take out the eyes, set to boil with a little bit of salt for 20 minutes. Then fry lightly in olive oil till crunchy, add rosemary seasoning, and towards the end squeeze fresh lemon onto it. Boil the corn and salt to taste.
Wash the dishes or load them in the washer as I go to make clean up easy. I am going to love cooking this meal. It is going to be a delicious and perfect meal. He will love it, and it will nourish our bodies.

I got home, put on some Beatles, and did exactly the above!

Meditation can work miracles when preparing a meal, and you are not so fond of cooking, or the processes involved.

I am so glad for meditation, good food, and appreciation!

This was a different meal I made - mashed potatoes, veggies, and pork chops. For some reason  its easier cooking at his place, because I have company, and help. When at my place I begin cooking before he gets here. So it's a solo kitchen adventure!

Music and Patience

I just started learning  how to play the Bass. This has me totally amped. Its like I have a bad case of the Music Bug. So it's been hard to sleep at night, like I keep thinking about practicing, and music, and how do i play it better, muscle memory. In itself, playing music has been so meditative in itself. I focus, get int he zone and I feel it deep down in my soul. However when I am not playing I enjoy the silence but it makes me antsy. I feel the need to be a part of the vibration the guitars emit. Feel it in my body, soul and mind. Maybe playing guitar is even spiritual to me, although it might just be some Weezer song!
I wonder if my middle name "Shruti" has anything to do with this craving for the constant need for music, the ebb and flow of music and silence alike. Hmm.

Perhaps we are supposed to feel like this about meditation and silence. Since I have been listening to a lot of Rock music, I have been craving silence, and acoustic guitar music. I think distortion may make a difference? Thoughts on this?

The difference between meditation and guitar playing is, one creative ripples and the other is about being still. However , Buddhists do use gongs, and chanting for meditation too! So I might be in a more modern track to meditation and music, harmony. Music (whatever genre) is such a huge part of my life, but so are my moments of silence. I think integrating both into the most unusual aspect of our lives is something, hmm... creative (?). In example using music for meditation, and silence in music. I was just at a concert and in the middle of the song they sounded like it ended, but came back for another round of chorus. It was amazing. I know its incomparable, but being at a concert is like being at a mass meditation where everyone is chanting OM. At least, to me the energy was comparable. Just food for thought, maybe next time you are at a concert you can change point of view and make it meditative.

I love silence and I love music!

Rock on and Breathe!

 In other news: I am 70+ days sober!

Meditate to self betterment

The first few days of meditation was great, I made it a priority, plus it was the weekend. My weekdays are ridiculously busy. So, just like Chris, I set my alarm for 5 minutes. During meditating I was distracted by thoughts of "ok when is this going to end cause I need to get on with it".

Chris and I discussed this, and realized we have to make meditation the PRIORITY, cause although it's sitting and doing nothing, it does do good to our physical health, mental well being etc. So This morning I meditated, setting the timer at 5 minutes. Sitting up straight was a challenge for my body was sore from climbing. This was not fun.

I closed my eyes, focused on breathing, and then I decided to make this meditation less shallow than the one's I've had all week. I focused on my breathing, my muscles, my pains, my body. I envisioned what I want my body to be like, and how I want to improve my performance in dance, climbing, running, tennis etc. I made that my goal. In psychology, there was study in which basketball players and the power of "imagining" (Meditating) was tested. So there were three groups - players that practiced shooting hoops, the players that did not practice, and lastly the players that envisioned (imagined) themselves shooting hoops and getting it through. The last group was told to focus on how they wanted to perform, feeling every movement from their toes to their finger tips to getting the ball through the hoop. this was done for 5 minutes everyday. The results showed that the group imagining their practice did as well as the group that actually did practice, if not better. Both did better than the group that did not practice. I think this meditation may help me in more ways that one.

Lastly, an observation from my week, where my meditation sessions were hackneyed due to the fact I was trying too hard, yet stressed about time and getting on with the rest of the day; I was less patient, and more annoyed, than when I did wholehearted meditations. I kept wondering why I was so antsy, annoyed, and experiencing "road rage", when the meditation should have helped calm me down and see the larger picture. Well meditation can only work when you do it wholeheartedly, not in a rush, and make it the priority. Do it for YOU, not for the sake of meditating.

A different kind of Meditation

Meditate to Live, Don't Live to Meditate.

Normally when I meditate I look at the clock and try to focus on the amount of time I want to meditate for. I usually go well over that but I am also usually fairly aware of how much time has passed.

Today, however, was a busy day and I only had time to meditate just before heading off to work. Naturally, I didn't want to "over-meditate" and be late for work. So I set a timer on my computer to beep when 10 minutes had gone by. The phone, which I thought was turned off, rang at precisely 5 minutes into my meditation. The timer on the computer was not running for some reason.

It was a good meditation and I would have liked it to go longer. But considering my timer wasn't set like I thought it was, and how close it was to the start of work it was fortunate that something snapped me out of it. And it made me remember that the whole point of meditation isn't to "get away" from it all. It's not a weekend retreat with healthy delicious food, chirping birds, and saunas. Meditation is more like combat training for life. If meditation can't help us when we are away from that little 5 minute bubble then it's really no better than any other form of escapism. Meditation is a discipline. It is a way to tame the monkey mind and be a stronger, smoother running form of ourself.

The next time I meditate I will try not to go into it with the mindset of shutting out the rest of my life. Instead, I will try looking at it as a deeper way to approach my life.

5 to 10 in 4 days!

Today is day four, I did ten minutes. It still wasn't easy but I did it.

Day one was Thursday (31st May). I started with 5 minutes; sitting upright to the best of my spinal cord's ability, breathing deeply (yoga breathing - aka abdominal breathing, inhale belly out, exhale contract the belly. Using the stomach/ab muscles we breathe). I focused on breathing, my thoughts wandered a bit and I brought them back to deep breathing. It was my lunch break, but I wasn't that hungry yet so I was able to focus. In the past I've had trouble focusing on an empty stomach. My watch was timing the meditation, and went off at 5 minutes, which seemed way too short, but felt great! However I had to stick to my tight work schedule.

Day two, Friday 1st June - I set my meditation time for 8 minutes, because I thought 5 was too short but wonderful. I started out with focusing on my breathing, and then I watched as my thoughts began to flow away from the breathing, then I would steer it back to the breathing. After a while of doing this, i thought it would be good to set an intention for the rest of the day, and what I wanted to send out to the universe, and what I would like to receive back. A lovely energy exchange essentially. 8 minutes was great, and refreshing, once again on my lunch break.

Day three, Saturday 2nd June - I set my clock to 10 minutes. It went serenely as I first focused on breathing and then listened, let thoughts flow, and memories of many childhood meditations fill me. Being a Saturday I added another 8 minutes after the 10. How is that meditation that I thought so difficult in the past was so easy now? The second 8 minutes was difficult cause although I was focusing on my breathing I was also distracted, and annoyed by my own tummy. I kept wanting to suck it in. My self image issues began emerging. I don't like my tummy. So I am meditating and the whole time grumbling in my mind via thoughts about how my tummy should not move with the breathing, this hindered my breathing, and thus my focus on breathing, and thought flow. I however decided to "let it go", and did. I began thinking about how I needed to pay rent and became anxious, then again I "let it go". Also these past three days, I would be meditating and feel an itch and be compelled to itch it, instead of using my head - "there's an itchy feeling. hmm. let it go." A thought does not always need to be followed by an action. Does it?

Day four, Sunday 3rd June - I paid my rent! Now I could meditate in peace. I just went running, did some yoga, and let my body reach homeostasis before sitting down to meditate. I sat outside on the balcony, and began meditating, always cross-legged (Indian style), back upright and my arms loosely stretched out over my legs and fingers in "chinmaya mudra". Today I was more annoyed with my tummy than ever, and my back was much fatigued (probably from running, situps and cobra pose). I toughed out ten minutes and ended the meditation with a startling sneeze from someone. Today it was hard to focus, but I made it a point to remind myself to get annoyed, watch the thought and let it go in the end. Resulting in me feeling over all calmer and patient.

Let's see what tomorrow holds!


OM!

Image taken from Gurumaa website, I believe that's the Chinmaya mudra.

The 5 Minute Meditation Project

A few days ago I had just finished the first meditation session I had done in a long time and was ready to start the day. Naturally that meant checking my email and seeing to my social networking addictions. My friend Pree was online, and after a bit of catching up I excitedly informed her,

Me: I meditated and exercised today! drinking tons of water too!!


Pree: i need to do all of the above.


Me: yeah. I really want to stay on the meditation thing.
I only did like 15 min and it made a big difference.
Ive had really bad anxiety the last few days. I can still feel it there but its much more controlled now.


Pree: hmm. i dont meditate at all.
like if i do its less than 5 minutes.


Me: 5 min is sufficient
and like any other discipline youll naturally do more and more over time if you just do it everyday.


I recalled the times that a week or so of daily meditation sessions helped me pull out of a slump or some existential crisis. I told Pree of one in particular time when I was so lost and in despair and meditation was pretty much the only positive thing I was doing for myself. After only a few weeks of meditating my outlook was changing, my posture improved, and I even dug up some long lost childhood memories.

Pree: wow
i need to!


Me: wanna make it a committment?
lets both meditate at least 5 minutes a day for the next 365 days


Pree: OK!
deal!
hmm we should make a blog about it


And thus began the 5 minute meditation project. For whatever reason, despite the consistently positive outcomes of meditation I never keep up the habit for more than a couple of weeks at a time. But if the past is any indicator the cumulative effect of a full year of regularly centering myself, and clearing the murky waters of my mind could very well be life changing.

As everyone accumulates inner junk throughout life, everyone can benefit from looking deep inside and recognizing and sorting out the mess. Is 5 minutes each day too much to give for even a chance of overcoming past hurts and self-defeating patterns? Of course not! So if you're reading this right now I hope you'll seriously consider joining in on this little experiment. This blog is mine and Pree's way of tracking and sharing the impact regular meditation has on our lives. If you choose to join in we would love to hear from you and to be able to share your experiences and insights with everyone. Or, you can spend that 5 minutes each day compulsively looking at the same old uninspiring nonsense online. Your call.

Happy Meditating everyone!