Justin 101: An Introduction

Hello! My name is Justin. I am thrilled to be a part of this project. Meditation, while relatively new to my life, has changed me. Simply taking a moment to pay attention to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions has had a profound effect on how I live my life.

My story begins a long time ago in a faraway land. Ok, not really, but that sounds cool! My meditation journey actually begins not so long ago, and right here in Grand Rapids Michigan. I was raised by parents who loved me and provided a safe place for me to grow up. I had a normal childhood, went to great schools, and had great friends (still do!). By the time I got to high school, I was comfortable with who I was and I was loving life. In college I had the opportunity to travel, make new friends, and learn much more about the beautiful world we live in. Shortly after college I got married. I was living the West Michigan dream. Then things started to unravel.

In the span of a year, the following events took place: I had a heat-stroke and spent 3 hours in a coma after a triathlon, I broke my nose (you should see the pictures!), my grandfather died (I'm named after him), my marriage of four and a half years ended in divorce (I could write a novel about this, but I won't... yet ;D), and my parents moved from Grand Rapids to Salt Lake City. Nothing was going my way. I had spent all of my energy for two years trying to save my marriage and I was drained. I struggled constantly with depression, and I was consumed by anxiety. It was not until I sought help from a therapist that things started to turn around.

In counseling I started to figure out why certain things were the way they were. I learned about co-dependency and the effect that it had on my failed marriage. I learned about the voids in my life and the vices that I used to fill them. I came to the realization that for months on end, I was living ten feet above my body. In other words, I was constantly in automatic pilot mode. Then, my therapist introduced me to a practice that would end up changing my life: Mindfulness Meditation.

During a particularly difficult session, I felt completely drained. My tank was empty. Tears were flowing. I had no words. My therapist instructed me to close my eyes and allow the tears to flow. He instructed me to allow the sadness, loneliness, and whatever other thought or emotion that was happening in that moment to be there. He explained it like this: If you are in a cabin in the woods far from any trace of civilization and an old man knocks on your door, you are not going to turn him away. You are going to invite him in and get to know him. The old man of sorrows had come knocking, and for the first time in years, I spent time with him in curious awareness.

That is what Mindfulness Meditation is all about; simply being aware of your present experience right here, right now, in this moment. It felt amazing to allow myself to be lonely and to grieve. It seemed like every time I met with my therapist, we got real work done. One day I decided to go camping by myself. When I got to the lakeshore (Lake Michigan) I scurried down the beach to set up camp. Once I got settled, I took a seat where the land meets the water and closed my eyes. I noticed thoughts racing through my head, and instead of letting them get the best of me I simply allowed them to be. As thought after thought passed through my head like clouds in the sky, my mind grew quiet. When I finally opened my eyes, the whole world seemed new! It felt good to be me. For the first time in years I felt good in my own skin. Most importantly, I was IN my own skin!

Since my "re-awakening" on the beach, I have had the privilege of taking an eight week course called "Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction" through the Grand Rapids Center for Mindfulness (seriously, check them out). Throughout the eight week course I learned the benefits of regular meditation as well as many practices that have become a part of my daily life. After eight weeks I am feeling more connected to myself, to others, and to the world around me. I feel good! (da da da da da da da!!)

While this post is meant to be an introduction, it is also an invitation. It is an invitation to join me in my journey of healing and self-awareness. Some posts will be "big idea" stuff; other posts will be very practical. I hope that you will learn something from them and be able to apply some of the lessons to your life. Every step towards mindfulness is a worthy step in the right direction. Now join with me in the most basic form of mindfulness. Ready?

Breathe.