Justin 101: An Introduction

Hello! My name is Justin. I am thrilled to be a part of this project. Meditation, while relatively new to my life, has changed me. Simply taking a moment to pay attention to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions has had a profound effect on how I live my life.

My story begins a long time ago in a faraway land. Ok, not really, but that sounds cool! My meditation journey actually begins not so long ago, and right here in Grand Rapids Michigan. I was raised by parents who loved me and provided a safe place for me to grow up. I had a normal childhood, went to great schools, and had great friends (still do!). By the time I got to high school, I was comfortable with who I was and I was loving life. In college I had the opportunity to travel, make new friends, and learn much more about the beautiful world we live in. Shortly after college I got married. I was living the West Michigan dream. Then things started to unravel.

In the span of a year, the following events took place: I had a heat-stroke and spent 3 hours in a coma after a triathlon, I broke my nose (you should see the pictures!), my grandfather died (I'm named after him), my marriage of four and a half years ended in divorce (I could write a novel about this, but I won't... yet ;D), and my parents moved from Grand Rapids to Salt Lake City. Nothing was going my way. I had spent all of my energy for two years trying to save my marriage and I was drained. I struggled constantly with depression, and I was consumed by anxiety. It was not until I sought help from a therapist that things started to turn around.

In counseling I started to figure out why certain things were the way they were. I learned about co-dependency and the effect that it had on my failed marriage. I learned about the voids in my life and the vices that I used to fill them. I came to the realization that for months on end, I was living ten feet above my body. In other words, I was constantly in automatic pilot mode. Then, my therapist introduced me to a practice that would end up changing my life: Mindfulness Meditation.

During a particularly difficult session, I felt completely drained. My tank was empty. Tears were flowing. I had no words. My therapist instructed me to close my eyes and allow the tears to flow. He instructed me to allow the sadness, loneliness, and whatever other thought or emotion that was happening in that moment to be there. He explained it like this: If you are in a cabin in the woods far from any trace of civilization and an old man knocks on your door, you are not going to turn him away. You are going to invite him in and get to know him. The old man of sorrows had come knocking, and for the first time in years, I spent time with him in curious awareness.

That is what Mindfulness Meditation is all about; simply being aware of your present experience right here, right now, in this moment. It felt amazing to allow myself to be lonely and to grieve. It seemed like every time I met with my therapist, we got real work done. One day I decided to go camping by myself. When I got to the lakeshore (Lake Michigan) I scurried down the beach to set up camp. Once I got settled, I took a seat where the land meets the water and closed my eyes. I noticed thoughts racing through my head, and instead of letting them get the best of me I simply allowed them to be. As thought after thought passed through my head like clouds in the sky, my mind grew quiet. When I finally opened my eyes, the whole world seemed new! It felt good to be me. For the first time in years I felt good in my own skin. Most importantly, I was IN my own skin!

Since my "re-awakening" on the beach, I have had the privilege of taking an eight week course called "Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction" through the Grand Rapids Center for Mindfulness (seriously, check them out). Throughout the eight week course I learned the benefits of regular meditation as well as many practices that have become a part of my daily life. After eight weeks I am feeling more connected to myself, to others, and to the world around me. I feel good! (da da da da da da da!!)

While this post is meant to be an introduction, it is also an invitation. It is an invitation to join me in my journey of healing and self-awareness. Some posts will be "big idea" stuff; other posts will be very practical. I hope that you will learn something from them and be able to apply some of the lessons to your life. Every step towards mindfulness is a worthy step in the right direction. Now join with me in the most basic form of mindfulness. Ready?

Breathe.

ॐ Yoga and Meditation 1 ॐ

I've been meditating a lot recently, thanks to yoga class, at least 2- 3 times a week. Meditation and Yoga go hand in hand. One must do yoga to quiet the body, and then meditation calms the mind and the body! Also 3 ॐ s at the end of practice can help seal the deal, in helps the vibrations from the practice be vocalized. I used to be embarrassed of the ॐ we said as a greeting and farewell, at the Sivananda Yoga center, when growing up in India. now I find beauty, mysticism, wholeness, and energy in them. Perhaps chanting, meditation and yoga all go hand in hand. It makes sense why all the Sanyasis do all three and more. So it should feel right. There is a beauty in silence and fasting too!

Last night at yoga, we meditated after the 45 minutes of vinyasa. The yogi guided us through a very interesting technique where we focused on breathing. The difference was we focused on inhale right nostril, exhale left nostril, then inhale left nostril, exhale right nostril. When focusing on this, just through your mind, I believe the nose muscles, and nostrils start actually doing it! So it is like doing Anuloma Viloma, with no hand! It was a very amazing, although I felt my breathing was loud, deep an obnoxious, so I tried to quieten it a little. We closed with a chant, and three ॐ.

At the beginning of the practice and the end, we always set our intentions for our practice, individually, for ourselves. It's internal, a quiet whisper to ourselves. We close with remembering those intentions. At the end of the meditation, we repeated our intentions to ourselves and the yogi also asked us to remember sradha the word for faith, belief and trust, and focus that onto ourselves: Internally and externally. To have sradha in ourselves, the world, the practice, to listen and then have faith. An example was when we were in headstand, we should listen to our bodies to see how far we can go, and not to push it, but trust it. It's an amazing thing to meditate on, and be aware of. Also remembering to let go of the things we can not control, those that add to our worries. These external problems/unchangeable do not help us in our sradha, but we should let it go and accept it the way it is. I am so glad the yogi is mindful to always go back to that - the philosophy, the spirituality, the connectedness and energy behind meditation and meditation.

ॐ

 

 

Notes:

Practice = the practice of living something, in this case it is yoga and meditation. Although I won't perform it, I practice it daily. :-P I guess I picked this up from my yoga teacher training class.

Sradha - Faith or see the hindu or collective definition or Buddhist definition... I hope to post more on this subject!

Finding the True Self

As the meditations have progressed, I grow. it has been 2 months since I started this. I have experimented, developed and nurtured, healed, searched, found, met with peace, met with aggression, felt such deep passion...
I haven't blogged here in a while, but it doesn't mean this project failed. For my part I carried on. I didn't ever stop meditating, in fact I actually have been able to focus on things I really want, and achieve them, by letting go.Meditation is just not a thing we do. It is a discipline, an exercise, a pathway to deeper spirituality, a medication, a journey and experience that never ends.

There are so many different kinds of meditation, and I am still exploring it all. I have meditated with prayers, and visualizations. It takes practice to achieve and feel the full affects. One does not merely sit and hope for the magic to happen, it takes effort. Recently a friend sent me a meditation for healing, where I had to imagine my Chakras cleanse. This was true visualization of nature and it was very difficult, but soothing. I tried, but it was difficult, so I let go so that I could try another time.

I also started meditation in different yoga poses (savasana, sirshasana, padmasana) and this has proven beneficial for my body as well as mind. For I focus, hold the pose, feel my body, and I am so in touch with the energy flow in my body. The result being I feel refreshed and have way too much energy for the day.

All the different types of meditation set aside, I feel like in the exploration of my mind, soul, and body, I have slowly come to find and love my true self. Slowly. It is a work in progress, and the maintenance of it will be as tough as any other work. In doing so I have found a peace, and have been able to let go and love more openly. It's like a sigh of relief.


Namaste.

Spinning Meditation

Meditating still, but i switched it up.
Sometimes I sit still, sometimes I use music, sometimes I walk, sometimes I stand in a corner and breathe.
A few weeks ago my sister taught me how to spin Poi. The Mexican art of dancing with fire. I found it strangely meditative, yet requiring fitness, and relaxing. So now I spin while meditating and it helps me focus my energies, perhaps a lot like Tai Chi, which I did practice for a while as well (2 years of tai chi in the zoo, I kid you not. best experience ever).
Along with spinning playing music, (practicing guitar, or a different instrument is highly meditative too. This practice helps clear the mind while you focus on a task for a longer time.
So this has helped me focus. Which in turn has helped me regulate my emotional reactions. Which is strange, for I am usually very emotionally reactive.

Pick up your guitar, flute, or make some sock poi and meditate!

Life - Ebb and Flow

Even meditation can't fix some days. Maybe its Murphy's law, maybe its the secret, I don't know.
I meditated on positive things, even the little things from my gratitude list, but things didn't let up until I got some relaxing time with sympathizers :-P sometimes we just need support, and a full night's rest. However It may not fix, but it can make it a wee bit easier.

So  from Monday work has been busy, and hectic. Taking on responsibilities, and making big decisions is overrated. I would love to tell kids, stay young as long as possible, you aren't missing too much fun stuff. When I was young I always wanted to be a college student, grown up person. Then when I was in college I wanted to be a professor, then I realized that was a bunch of silly drama by a bunch of "intellectuals". Really.
I decided to go get a job, and then I wanted more and more responsibility - this is the catch: this R word makes us feel important and worthwhile in life. It can also lead to our failures, weaknesses. Be careful what you wish for, or you're going to have to eat more than your bite? Whatever the saying is. This week I did meditate, and was ABLE to actually live upto my responsibilities but it was not easy, (however no one ever said life was easy). Meditation helped cause I focused on positive, and me being able to carry out, and not being as stressed as I would have otherwise been.

However never underestimate other people's responsibilities/problems (other than Mitt's cause he has it easy ;-))

Breathe.

Meditation and Cooking for the non-chef

Friday June 15th 2012 - I'm going to cook for my boyfriend. Menu - Steak and veggies
I'm still at work at 5:30pm, and freaking out! I've never cooked steak, there's so much to do still, and all the cleaning up afterwards. Ugh! Why shouldn't we just go out to dinner?

I converse with some of my colleagues regarding this dinner, and they say it's easy and I shouldn't sweat it, plus I'm probably an awesome girlfriend for doing this for my man! As I walk to my car, just calming myself down, telling myself I CAN do this!

I sit in my car, and take 5 minutes.

I focus on how the process: The meat has thawed, I need to just marinate it with garlic powder, pepper, chili powder, thyme, chia seeds. Leave it. We will only put it in the broiler when Ryan get's here (8 minutes both sides). However it will be hot and fresh. The potatoes - wash and clean, take out the eyes, set to boil with a little bit of salt for 20 minutes. Then fry lightly in olive oil till crunchy, add rosemary seasoning, and towards the end squeeze fresh lemon onto it. Boil the corn and salt to taste.
Wash the dishes or load them in the washer as I go to make clean up easy. I am going to love cooking this meal. It is going to be a delicious and perfect meal. He will love it, and it will nourish our bodies.

I got home, put on some Beatles, and did exactly the above!

Meditation can work miracles when preparing a meal, and you are not so fond of cooking, or the processes involved.

I am so glad for meditation, good food, and appreciation!

This was a different meal I made - mashed potatoes, veggies, and pork chops. For some reason  its easier cooking at his place, because I have company, and help. When at my place I begin cooking before he gets here. So it's a solo kitchen adventure!

Music and Patience

I just started learning  how to play the Bass. This has me totally amped. Its like I have a bad case of the Music Bug. So it's been hard to sleep at night, like I keep thinking about practicing, and music, and how do i play it better, muscle memory. In itself, playing music has been so meditative in itself. I focus, get int he zone and I feel it deep down in my soul. However when I am not playing I enjoy the silence but it makes me antsy. I feel the need to be a part of the vibration the guitars emit. Feel it in my body, soul and mind. Maybe playing guitar is even spiritual to me, although it might just be some Weezer song!
I wonder if my middle name "Shruti" has anything to do with this craving for the constant need for music, the ebb and flow of music and silence alike. Hmm.

Perhaps we are supposed to feel like this about meditation and silence. Since I have been listening to a lot of Rock music, I have been craving silence, and acoustic guitar music. I think distortion may make a difference? Thoughts on this?

The difference between meditation and guitar playing is, one creative ripples and the other is about being still. However , Buddhists do use gongs, and chanting for meditation too! So I might be in a more modern track to meditation and music, harmony. Music (whatever genre) is such a huge part of my life, but so are my moments of silence. I think integrating both into the most unusual aspect of our lives is something, hmm... creative (?). In example using music for meditation, and silence in music. I was just at a concert and in the middle of the song they sounded like it ended, but came back for another round of chorus. It was amazing. I know its incomparable, but being at a concert is like being at a mass meditation where everyone is chanting OM. At least, to me the energy was comparable. Just food for thought, maybe next time you are at a concert you can change point of view and make it meditative.

I love silence and I love music!

Rock on and Breathe!

 In other news: I am 70+ days sober!